Everything changes

It wasn't that long ago, really, when I used to live for those days when I could escape for a long, rambling ride, destination unknown, usually solo. Or when I would plan my week around the Tuesday night team ride, which was my opportunity to ride with the fast guys and try to look cool without getting dropped in the first mile. Or when I would get excited about a new cycling challenge, like a cyclocross race or a Velodrome day with friends and teammates. Sometimes I went along at the suggestion of friends, other times I was the one who organized the event. There was no question, though, that at the time, I was all in. 

When I look back at my Cyclophiliac blog posts, I see a different person than who I am now. For one thing, some of those 'adventures' simply don't hold the same appeal. But also, I have to wonder not only where all of that seemingly endless physical endurance went, but where did I find the time and space to do all of that in the first place? 

Here I am, not quite a decade removed from that first Cyclophiliac post, and everything feels different.

I feel that I don't have nearly enough time to do these things anymore, and if I do, I don't have the energy. Muster the motivation to ride 30 fast miles on a weekday evening after a long day of work? Not a chance. Lately I've been feeling so beaten down by the end of the workday that it's all I can do to get out for a walk with my dog and then settle in to whatever cocktail Dave is making that evening. At 5 PM.

Some would say that this is a natural manifestation of getting older. The body wants to slow down, the energy of youth is gone. The slide into sedentary ways is inevitable.

But I call bullshit.

I may not have the energy that I used to, but I know that with the right motivation - and maybe some physical and mental trickery - I can call it up when I want/need to. 

I read somewhere that if you can acknowledge that you are unhappy about how something in your life is going, you are ready to change it. So I am here to profess that I want to find a way to revive that person I was when I was writing the Cyclophiliac blog. I am hoping to revive my cycling joie de vivre, because I miss how I felt back in those days, not so long ago.  I am hoping that this new blog will help me find my way back. 

Is there even a 'way back',  or has the destination changed? 

The thought of plugging myself back into the same pattern that was so life-affirming years ago just doesn't feel right. 

This blog post will be my chance to dig in to some of the things I suspect are holding me back. Not surprisingly, physical changes associated with aging factor in tremendously - but not only in terms of endurance and strength, but in cognitive changes that probably affect my perception of time, space, obligations, commitments, etc. I'll also look at why riding on the road has gotten so demotivating, and what adaptations are out there to provide the same experience without the fear of getting killed by asshole drivers. I'll be using this blog to dig deeper into motivation and habit. I expect that there will be plenty of other ideas to ponder as I go down this path and learn more. In other words, learning and writing will be my substitute for an actual therapist.

I hope that you will join me in my Cyclotherapy sessions, and contribute to the conversation.